Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster

Author:Jen Lancaster [Lancaster, Jen]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Biography, General, Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs, Humorous fiction, Women, Humor, Form, Authors; American - 21st century, Authors; American, 21st century, Lancaster; Jen, Essays, Fiction, Chicago (Ill.), Humorous, Chicago (Ill.) - Social life and customs, City and town life
ISBN: 9780451221254
Publisher: NAL Trade
Published: 2007-04-30T21:00:00+00:00

I return to the house, set down the cat litter, and contemplate what my life is going to be like now that I’m single. Chances are good I’m not going to find another “I love you just the way you are” kind of guy. I survey myself in the mirror by the front door. After a quick and brutally honest assessment, I determine I’m not nice enough to attract a man based on my personality. Sure I’m still relatively cute now with my decent tan and good haircut, but I’m going to have to lose weight if I ever want to find someone who’ll carry the heavy bags again. I mean, look at all the famous bitches in history—Leona Helmsley, Joan Crawford, Joan Rivers, Alexis Carrington, Cruella DeVille—not a porker in the bunch and they all managed to land a man, despite their acid wits.10

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